Fungus and Fools

I’m tired. My mom has fungus under her nails. I had to figure out the weirdness that comes with visiting the house of someone you’ve signed off from your life because they have proven to be manipulative and abusive. I can’t say anything about…I can’t…

Ugh. Fungus on the nails. That’s all I can say anything about.

Because…even when you are an adult, you still have no place to say anything to your parents or grandparents. Not with any weight or any reason to listen to you. You think that was just stuck with teenagers, but no. Youth will follow you until you’re in your senior years, and then no one wants to listen to you anyways.

But why would I want to be listened to anyways? It’s not like I know everything. Do I even have anything important to say? Or am I just being judgmental and know-it-all when I beg someone to have nothing to do with an abusive ex? Or to…not live with them? Or…anything that seems well duh?

But, with that in mind, do any of us ever really know any better? And if we do, how do we know? And if you do know, and you want to warn someone ahead of time who you do love, why is it so rarely that they actually listen?

Maybe it’s along the same reason as why people rebel against God, or the law, or why teenagers are legendary for rebelling against parents. Is it a lack of listening, or a matter of pride? Pride in wanting to do it your own way, to find it out for yourself, to pave your own life–because somehow you’re not paving your own life when you listen to advice. Is it simply what makes the difference between thinking of these eager feelings as “being told what to do” or “following advice/counsel”?

And then what happens when the situation changes, and it’s the parents that are rebelling against the children’s counsel? And the children’s counsel is what’s right, and the parents are being…or is it simply never the case that the children, grown or not grown, are in the right and the parents are wrong?

I told my brother today, when he told me he wanted to be a teenager so people would take him seriously, that any adult who doesn’t take a child seriously is a fool. I know there is some truth to it, because there are millions who ignore the emotions and complaints of children that tell of far worse symptoms, as well as those who pay too much attention to what a child thinks or feels and puts it over the opinions of others, for whatever reason.

But most of all…why can’t my mom…just do what she has taught me to do? What she tells herself to do? Is it really because I said it back that she doesn’t want to? Does she think me a fool?

If she does…it’s hard to not think that I am.

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